I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
