i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
