He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My life is pants optional.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
