have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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