We won't sleep together?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
