She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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