Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
