I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
