So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
