i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There r osticjed everywhere
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
