I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
