haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would fuck him just for his dog
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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