remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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