I need help removing her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
