i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
