I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
