Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
