The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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