I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
