Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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