thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
