I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
