you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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