when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
