Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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