I got chris browned last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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