For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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