other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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