Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
