Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
