spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
