I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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