I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
