I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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