Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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