Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
