Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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