a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I supernannyed him into submission
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
