Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
