So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
