Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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