she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
