You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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