One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
