he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
