I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
