If that was your dad, he is hot
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So squirting runs in the family.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
