I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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