If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
