when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize