this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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