cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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