i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
