I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
