This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
