i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's always time for handjobs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
