How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I will pee on everything he values.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
