Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize