Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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