is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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