it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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